A Family is Built on Love

I have a wonderful family. Josh and I are blessed to have our grandparents, parents that have been married more than 35 years, beautiful sisters and brother-in-laws, nieces & nephews, and of course, we have our children. It is traditional family overload. However, there is a part of our family that is different--Ian's maternal birth family. In the 7 years since Ian's biological mother's death, we have had to navigate our way through a legal and emotional nightmare while balancing Ian's best interest and his need to know his family.

In all honesty, our relationship with Ian's family has been wracked with anger, hurt, grief, distrust, and all of the other emotions you feel when a situation isn't an ideal to either side. Despite that, from the first day, I have prayed for God to keep my heart open and for me to always seek Ian's best interest. And while there have been times when my patience and sanity have been pushed to the brink, I have never doubted that God was going to do amazing things with our journey.

From the beginning, I liked Ian's PawPaw Mike. He is Ian's mom's biological father (who is divorced from Ian's grandmother). Mike is kind and loving--he adores Ian from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. It was apparent to me that his love for Ian was genuine and he wanted Ian's best interest to be put above everything else. He supported Josh getting custody of Ian and for me to adopt him. All Mike wanted was to have a place in Ian's life. After Ian's Mom died, Ian was all he had left.

Over the last 7 years, Mike has become a part of our family. He visited with Ian regularly when he lived in NC, went out of his way to get to know Josh and I, and to extend his love and his heart to Will and Maggie. Two years ago, Mike rekindled a relationship with a high school sweetheart and moved to Oklahoma to be closer to her. While we were thrilled with him finding love, we were all devastated not to have him close by. Ian visited Oklahoma 2 summers ago when Mike first moved out there but until today, he hadn't seen his PawPaw other than via Skype.

Before bed on Friday, I overheard Ian explaining to Will that I was not Ian's real mom, that his real Mom was in heaven and that PawPaw was not Will's grandfather. Ian wasn't being mean about it. He was simply being factual. While we have always been honest with Ian about his history, it never occurred to me that Ian might tell Will his history when Will was just 4 with no real ability to understand what in the world Ian was talking about. I told Will that while God didn't put Ian in my tummy like he did he and Maggie, he wrote Ian's name on my heart the day that he was born and then sent me on a journey to find Ian and his Daddy so we could all be a family. I told Will that a family isn't made of the blood in your veins but out of the love that is in your heart. I told him because I loved Ian with all my heart, he was my family just like because he loved PawPaw Mike with all his heart, he was his family.Will smiled from ear to ear.

The kids have been anxiously marking down the days for over a month for the arrival of PawPaw Mike and Nana Kay. When his truck pulled in the driveway, the kids rushed him, overwhelming him with hugs and kisses. They soon did the same to Nana Kay. PawPaw and Nana spoiled the kids with a trip to the zoo, lunch, and bowling. While the kids played in the yard with Mike this afternoon, Kay made a point to tell me how grateful Mike was for the mother I was to Ian, for giving him the love that I did, and grateful that Josh and I had granted the two of them a place in our family. After watching PawPaw and Nana with my children today, I know that God had His hand in every part of this. While Mike can't have his daughter back, he did make a place in his heart for three grandchildren, and for Josh and me. Love created a family.

First Week Fun!

"Snapping" green beans!

This week has been a good first week of summer vacation. I had to put up the vegetables I brought back from the garden on Edisto. I had two bushels of green beans to snap and can---in the end, that equaled 32 quarts of beans. That is a lot of work.April came over and helped me for a couple of hours and her help was invaluable. The Burgess Bunch love to eat those green beans but they were pretty worthless when it came to putting them up! Ian and Will would wander in and out to help snap for a few minutes and then would disappear to other parts of the house for long stretches. Ian helped me for a whole 20 minutes at one point and I was excited that he was going to stick around and help me knock out the snapping. Boy was I mistaken. He left for the bathroom and never came back. And hour later, he came back thru the kitchen on his way to the playroom. I said, "What happened to you helping me snap the beans?" With a straight face, he responded, "I'm on a break." For an hour? Boy do I wish I lived in his universe!

The train at the Spartanburg Library

I took the kids to the library on Thursday. It is probably my favorite place to visit in Spartanburg--or any town for that matter. My parents instilled in me a great love for reading and I very much want my children to share that love of books. So far, I have been fairly successful. Will seems to be the only one that isn't crazy about reading--imagine that. He likes to read as long as it is about motorcycles or snakes or flame-throwing. My very own Evel Knievel in the making. The kids were excited about visiting but I quickly realized that taking all three of them at once was an error in judgement. All three read on different levels and all three of those sections are in different locations of the basement level. When all three started to head to their locations, I felt like I needed to have some sort of magic to multiply myself. So I decided to help Will and Maggie pick out their books first and then park them at a table next to Ian's section so I could help him. It was a great theory.

And yes, she is naked under that towel!

Maggie wanted to pull every book off the shelf or run down the aisle. She was in total show-off mode and while she wanted to collect books, she wanted to collect 30 of them at once, instead of the 3 at a time rate that I prefer. While I was helping Will select some books, I made the error of not keeping my eye on Maggie the entire time. I glance up to find her attempting a strip tease--her shirt was off and she was headed for her skirt. Whispering loudly, "Stop Maggie!" enticed her not to actually stop vacating her clothes but rather to take off running. I have gotten good at anticipating her moves on the run so I caught her before any real damage was done but it was awkward having to quietly YELL at her that the library was not a condoned location for naked time. I seriously hope this stage of disrobing ends soon.

Mixing up zucchini bread

Friday we had play dates with two different friends--I left my house at 9am and returned at 9:30pm. The kids came in and wanted to watch a movie--I wanted to watch the back of my eyelids. They played in water most of the day and for whatever reason, they weren't drop dead tired. Saturday I enjoyed some Mommy time. I had a pedicure and spent most of the afternoon reading Pat Conroy's South of Broad. It was a great read if you like Conroy or Charleston or both. Sunday, we enjoyed a visit with MeeMaw & Poppi and the Jackson cousins. Will caught at least 15 granddaddy long leg spiders and a lizard. He is fascinated with critters! Sunday evening, Will helped me make a couple of loaves of Zucchini bread. The child might not be crazy about reading but he has a real passion for cooking. I plan to make it my personal mission to teach him to cook well. It will help make him a real catch some day---even if he races motorcycles and collects lizards for fun!