Maggie the Terrible

The Burgess Bunch would like to welcome THE TERRIBLE TWO's into our home for what we hope will be the third and final time! The halls of our home are now filled with the unrelenting scream-wallow on the floor-throw things-tantrum- that make her stop breathing-- that only an almost-2 year old can do. And I hate it. Hate. It.

Maggie is a sweetie pie with reddish brown Shirley Temple locks, and blue-green eyes that simultaneously spit charm and fire. As the only girl, granddaughter & niece, you can only imagine how spoiled she is. It only takes two blinks from those long lashes and everyone around her gives her exactly what she wants. Will, of course, is the worst among us. Whatever Mags wants, she gets. Pacification of her squeals and demands is Will's number one mission in life. And she has learned very quickly what it takes to get everyone around her to do her bidding.

And honestly, I thought Will was bad at 2, and in being honest, he is still difficult, but Maggie the Terrible is possibly worse because she doesn't just act bad, she talks bad. By that I mean, her vocabulary far exceeds her age and she uses her words to slice you in half, scream high pitched darts at you, and when all else fails and she doesn't get her way, you are mean. At least 30 times a day I hear, "Mommy's mean," "Daddy's mean," "Will's mean." At first it was cute but it got old really fast.

As if hearing her tattle on everyone in the house constantly wasn't bad enough, she is starting to write on herself, write on other things, climb on cabinets, and do things that would make Will proud. Ugh. He is probably instructing her to do all of this stuff behind my back. That sounds like something out of the Will Play Book, doesn't it? He is probably getting lots of satisfaction seeing Maggie carry on in his footsteps. And I am not really sure I can handle an entire year of sassy back-talk AND mischievous behavior from ANOTHER child. Seriously.

So tonight, in the midst of one of her "testing moments," I parked her hiney in Time Out for 2 minutes. I have tried Time Out with Will at least a billion times in 2 years and it fails miserably because he would rather eat nails than give me the satisfaction of sitting there and reforming his attitude. But to my shock, not only did Maggie sit in Time Out for the entire 2 minutes, sobbing her eyes out with remorse, but she also got up at the end of her 2 minutes, apologized and hugged me. Hallelujah! Maybe all that practice with Will was paying off. Or maybe, despite her new new found Terribleness, she isn't nearly as Terrible at Two as her brother. One can hope, right?

I love my children at all ages but there are stages that I just really can't stand. Terrible Two's is one of them. I am not rushing her to grow up. After all, she doesn't even turn 2 until April 3rd. But, if she wants to move past this awful, terrible stage faster than slow, that would be alright with me. In the mean time, I am doing my best to just be mean.

I am Not a Maid...

Will and I don't have a ton of great days. We have good days. We have okay days. We have more bad days than I care to admit. As Will gets older, I think I see that we are a little similar. He is bossy. He is independent. He is stubborn. He is determined. All of those things are great for a grown up. I want him to be all of those things. I just don't want all of these things to exist under one roof between a 3 and 30 year old. (Might as well add Maggie to the headcount because she is just like us). Will is strong-willed. I think I wrote a blog all about it once---and how I even read a book to try to remedy it. Let me just say, that the only advice that I garnered from the book that was helpful was to let Will be Will, to love him and mold him and to try to use and appreciate his gifts, no matter how frustrating they can be. I am trying. And I am trying to remember that one day, I really do want him to be a little bossy, a little independent, a little stubborn and very determined. One day.

So like I said, some days are good, some days aren't. But today...today was a GREAT day with Will! First, it was pajama day and for whatever reason, Will loved the idea of going to school in his pajamas. (This is a far cry from Ian, who never trusts days like this. Afraid that he dressed out of character on the wrong day or might some how be embarrassed by my arrangement of a costume, he always makes me pack an extra pair of "normal clothes" with us just in case. AND, we have to watch 5 people exit their vehicle dressed in a similar get-up as he is wearing before he will make his way to class. Seriously, the things you cannot read in a book about parenting.) Will reminded me twice last night that it was pajama day. He picked out the PJ's he wanted to wear. He rounded up his slippers and added his new Lightening McQueen bathrobe for good measure. He slept in his PJ's last night, too, so they would have the "slept-in bed look." There were no fights this morning over wardrobe---an after Christmas miracle.

It was pajama day for Maggie, too, but she only seemed excited because Will was so happy. I was trying to enjoy her giggles over wearing slippers outside because there will come a day in the not- too-distant future when she won't be caught dead outside the house in her pajamas, with pink fuzzy slippers and her hair pulled back in a pony tail. Did I mention that I wish I could keep her with the giggles and not have to face the drama that will come in the future? Her wardrobe meltdowns will probably make Will's look like a day at the beach!

I have my first audition event of the year coming up in three weeks. I changed the format this year so everything will be new and different and working out all of the details is stressing me out. I know in the end it will all come out fine but until it is over, I have asked my family to let me work in my office as much as possible without interruption. After school was out and Maggie was down for nap, Will apparently asked me if he could have a Coke. Huddled under a pile of papers on my desk and a crisis on my desktop, I am certain he asked if he could put on his coat. I mumbled "yes" and went back to my screen. He went to the fridge, popped open a Coke and put it in a Koozie. (the kid in going to have drinks in koozies down to a science by the time he gets to college...)

After slurping it down in what I am sure was less than 5 minutes, he started to get a little busy body. He came back to my office and asked if he could help me. "No" was my response. "Why don't you go get a book and come read it to me while I work." I needed to feel a little like an engaged parent. He went to his room and came back empty-handed. He walked passed my door and went to the kitchen. Then to the living room. Then to the playroom, then back down the hall. I figured he was up to no good, well, because Will is always up to no good. Back in the living room, I heard movement but nothing breaking so I went back to my stack. 2 minutes later, I was startled with a loud sound. No, it wasn't the TV shattering on the floor. It was the vacuum. I jumped up to find Will vacuuming the living room. He had folded all of the blankets, straightened the pillows and returned all of the toys/books to their proper locations. I gave him a thumbs up and headed back to my office thinking it wouldn't last long. But the vacuum kept going. I got up every few minutes to ensure that he hadn't lost interest and left the vacuum running to act as the cover for the no good noise and nonsense that he was really up to. Never put it past Will to create a diversion.

But I was wrong. He vacuumed the living room, kitchen & dining room. He cleaned up all of the toys throughout the house. He cleaned and straightened the playroom. He wiped off the cabinets in the kitchen. He got the dust mop and did a once over. (I vacuumed and mopped all of these rooms yesterday but I didn't care at all). At the completion of his work, he came to get me for my seal of approval. I was so proud---he did an excellent job. It wasn't 3 year old clean up. It was really cleaned up. I gave him some treats, hugged him immensely, praised him for all of his effort, got the phone so he could tell his Dad & get more praise, and did my best to let him know that this is the Will I love best. Because I have so much work to do, I went back to my office, rewarding Will with some TV time. Instead of taking me up on my offer, he went to the playroom. I thought he was going to start working to undo all of his hard work but instead, he started going through the bins to toss toys he didn't play with anymore "for the kids at the shelter that don't have a Mommy as great" as his. Wow.

I was so impressed! He proudly showed off his work when his Dad came home from work. I am sure Josh was happy. Will is much better at house work than me! When Josh left to take Ian to basketball practice, he took Maggie too. Will chose to stay home with me. He brought me the cereal box and asked if he could eat cereal for supper. I told him he could just this one time if he ate some spaghetti later, too. He shook for the deal and then accidentally shook the box too hard, sending some Fruity Pebbles onto his nicely polished floor. I said, "Awe, man, Will. Now the floor will have to be vacuumed again." He looked at me and said, "Well you are going to have to do it yourself. I already vacuumed this house one time today and I AM NOT a maid!"

At least I know he was listening....

Something Special

As a parent, I think the hardest thing to endure is to watch your child hurt; physically, emotionally, spiritually. You want to take on all of their suffering, endure their burdens for them, no matter the cause. Of course, part of life is enduring the many obstacles, mountains, and anguish that life gives and doing so provides life lessons, builds character, and establishes a reality about life. Whether it's a pain that is as small as the prick of a finger or the devastation that comes with real loss, both are as painful (if not more) for the parent as for the child. And even though I haven't been at this parenting thing very long, I don't imagine that watching your child suffer gets any easier--in fact, I am sure that as children grow and life's pain is more tangible, the experience is harder on Mom & Dad. But that pain, those hardships, those mountains have to be climbed by children, no matter how much as a parent, you wish you could stand in their place.

 I have been very fortunate that I have not had to steer my children, yet, through too many painful moments. Of course, there have been scraped knees, hurt feelings, and wonder if God really answers prayers. We have endured a couple of surgeries, some bunk bed calamities, and even some real tears, but we have not bared the burdens that some people have. We've been blessed.

Tonight was one of those times when I prayed with my child to ease his burden and heavy heart. Ian's great grandfather (his biological mother's paternal grandfather) passed away from a heart attack. Ian had not seen him in about a year but there was a time in his life when he saw him once a month and they both shared a love of trains. I wasn't sure what to expect from Ian when Josh and I told him. Kids react to death far differently than adults and Ian hasn't really lost anyone close to him at this age, where he actually understands what is happening.

His reaction was at first a little shock and then came the tears. As my arms swallowed him, I felt my own tears sting my face. Not because I knew this man particularly well but because I know my child holds a place of love in his own heart for him. I whispered words of comfort while simultaneously praying for guidance. Ian was upset that he didn't get to see him one more time. I was kicking myself for not taking him to visit over the last year. I used this as an opportunity to remind him that none of us ever know when our time on Earth is over and that it is important to always treat every day and every encounter with others like it might be a last time. He sobbed harder. And my heart broke harder and the quiet tears falling from my eyes started to dampen his hair.

Then he looked up at me, tears suddenly stopped, and asked, "Mom, was Grandpa Dale baptized?" I felt the panic hit my throat because I honestly didn't know the answer. He continued, "Because if he wasn't, he didn't go to Heaven and I will never get a chance to see him again." My breath left me. On one hand, I was a very proud Momma. For a child to grasp even that much of Eternity is remarkable. But at the same time, I knew I had to tread carefully. I didn't want to upset his tender mind and heart---Ian is a worrier and he would spend the rest of his life pondering his own part in someone else's eternity. That is the heart that God gave him.

I just wrapped him in my arms and whispered that this conversation was one he needed to have with his grandfather, PawPaw Mike, and then I began to pray. Out loud, I thanked God for Ian, for his love of people, his heart of compassion, his precious kindness. I prayed for his comfort and peace, for his burdened heart to be lightened. I also prayed that the Lord would use all of Ian's special gifts, to give him guidance on the man he is supposed to become. I prayed for my own guidance to help him become that man. And I prayed that Ian would always know God's love and grace, that he would never abandon the heart he has now, and that he would always care about the eternity of those around him. We sat quietly for a few minutes and then he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "You are the best gift God has ever given to me, Momma. I really mean that. I hope you know I am always going to remember this moment and you praying over me like that. I felt God holding us right then, loving us together. We are something special, you and me." Yes we are, Ian. So special.

Ian went to bed shortly after and he seemed comforted. I sat on the couch and quietly prayed a prayer of thanks for God allowing me to raise this special child. What a gift. To love him. To share such a touching moment with him. Truly something special.

Christmas 2011

Christmas was a complete success!! We spent wonderful, quality time with our families and unwrapped a gazillion presents from all of our amazing family and friends.
It was Maggie's first Christmas where she was really understood unwrapping presents--at first she was pulling one piece at a time and putting it in the trash but by present-palooza 999, she had the process down pat. She loves her Cabbage Patch baby Ella, vanity, and the Barbie jeep. Her purse, books, and "wip-wip" (lipstick) are also favorites.

Ian was the most excited about Christmas and at 3am on Christmas morning, he was wide awake and ready to open Santa! He loved his Nintendo DS and his iPad. I mean really, what 8 year old kid wouldn't be thrilled by an iPad? Thanks Mom & Dad for spoiling him completely. Even I am thrilled about it, even if I have to ask permission to use it! He got a bike and cornhole boards, which I know he loves. He told me the best part of Christmas was just spending time with me. I love that kid.

  I felt like I spent most of the season convincing Will to believe in the Magic of Christmas. He only wanted to convince me that Jesus loved him regardless of what Santa thought and that Elfie wasn't as magical as I claimed he was. He even went as far as to tell us Christmas Eve that Santa wasn't real at all. I think he changed his mind on Christmas morning because Santa got him everything on his list, but this is Will, so I really have no idea.  He tells me he is most thrilled by his BB gun (maybe he won't shoot his eye out?) and his Scooter. But he loves his bike, the iPad (which was a joint gift for he and Ian), and his Nerf Oozie.

My favorite gift of the year? My rockin' new cowboy boots from my in laws! Love, love, love them! Josh and I don't exchange gifts for Christmas. After all, we have each other's love ;)But he did buy me a purple Snuggie for my birthday and I love it almost as much as my boots!

The gift that out gave all? Our decision to adopt a family for Christmas. We have always helped out with Operation Christmas Child, helped with Angel Tree, given to the Salvation Army, but we have never taken on the task of helping to provide Christmas for an entire family. And compared to other years, this was the year that we didn't have the money to do it.  However, Josh knows the father of this family and he came home a couple of weeks before Christmas convinced that we needed to find a way to help this family.Deciding to do something like this is very typical of me. But Josh? It's not that he isn't charitable. It's just that he doesn't usually volunteer us for ANY kind of project. But I could tell that this family and their circumstances were truly convicting him to do something. So we did. It wasn't fancy and it wasn't anything to brag about, but we did it. We got the kids involved and they were so excited to pick out toys for this family of 6 children. Our decision do to this is also why none of you received Christmas cards from us this year...so we weren't being rude, we were just using that money to pay forward all of the great kindness that we have received this year.

I know our small contribution to this family helped make their Holiday brighter, but for us, it made it radiate far brighter than I could have imagined. When I was wrapping the presents for the family, Will came to me with his most favorite Buzz Lightyear and said, "Mom, you know I love this Buzz, but I would love him even more if he could go to one of the boys in that family." Of course, we weren't asking him to sacrifice his own stuff but the gesture was almost more than my heart could handle. So even if Will wasn't keen on Santa or understand the magic that comes with Christmas, I know that his heart understands the importance of giving, even when we think that we don't have the resources to give. He understands sharing our joy with others. Even at 3, he understood that Jesus' love for us is more important than anything else. And despite all of his misgivings about the magic of Christmas, he ended the year knowing the true meaning of Christmas!

To Be Naughty or Nice?

My children LOVE this time of year! Ian especially. He has the magic of Christmas in his heart and he is so excited about presents & cookies & Christmas trees! I love to see Christmas through his eyes--so innocent and sweet. He also keeps reminding all of us that Christmas is really about the celebration of Christ's birth and that reminder is important, especially for me. I am kind of a Grinch. I love the meaning of Christmas and I love my children's excitement but I hate all of the shopping and present hoopla. Probably why Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday--just food & family. But I really try hard to get into the Christmas spirit--for their sakes at least.

We decorated our tree right after Thanksgiving. We wrote our lists to Santa--I only asked for peace and quiet and I hope Santa really comes through for me on that one. Maggie is too young of course, but she at least understands the tree is "pwetty" and loves redecorating it every day---we are playing musical ornaments only there is no music and Maggie is the only one moving ornaments all over the tree. She also walks around saying "Ho, Ho, Ho" a lot but so far, no luck getting her near Santa. Creepy dudes in red suits are best for girls to avoid any way.

Ian's list was modest for the most part. He wants a bike, a Nintendo DS, and for his Dad & me to "take a chill pill." I'm not lying. He really wrote that in his letter. His list was much shorter this year than usual. Typically he marks everything in the Toy R Us Great Big Toy Book. But since he is singing in the Christmas musical at Church, "The Great Christmas Giveaway," he seems to understand that Christmas is much more about giving than receiving.

And then there is Will. My sweet but naughty little Will.

At first, I wasn't sure what to make of his indifference about Christmas. In his letter to Santa, he drew pictures of a guitar, a scooter, and a Nintendo DS. That was all he wanted. (You can tell he is the middle child--he keeps his expectations low). But what puzzled me most was his indifference toward our Elf, Elfie. When we came back from the lowcountry for Thanksgiving, Elfie was on the mantle waiting for us. Ian LOVES Elfie. He wakes up super early every morning and searches the house for his new spot. Will didn't wake up early and he didn't look for Elfie when he did roll out of bed. He seemed especially put off by my warnings that Elfie was there to report back to Santa about being naughty or nice. For the first week, Will convinced himself that Elfie was just a doll. After all, if he wasn't real, then Will could be as naughty as he wanted and Santa would never know. Trying to test whether Elfie contained any magic at all, I caught Will trying to knock him from him perch in the living room with a rolling pin. So, Elfie had to get creative...and be naughty too!

Recently, we have woken up to a Christmas tree littered with underwear, a dining room covered in toilet paper, and this morning, our pictures on the wall had notes from Santa signed by Elfie. While my first thought was Will--you know how much he loves to write on anything other than paper--but Elfie was hanging upside down from a picture with the marker in his hand! Will was beyond thrilled. Finally, someone around the house who was getting in more trouble than him! He is 'all in' now and can't wait to see what Elfie will do next. The little skeptic (who happens to be a lot like his Momma in this regard) finally thinks that Christmas and Santa are fun. I can't wait to see his face in the morning...I just noticed that Elfie is on top of a picture, suspending Woody from Toy Story  from a rope upside down over the mantle. What will he come up with next?

Becoming a Mom...

Looking back, my road to motherhood seems pre-destined. In fact, I've always kind of been a mom. For Kindergarten graduation, we provided a theatrical performance--I was Mother Goose. In highschool and in college, I always played the role of Mom---making sure that people followed the rules, turned in their work, and got home safe when we went out. Friends always stayed at my apartment on the weekends---and they never left with an empty stomach. To nurture is my single greatest impulse.

Despite this overwhelming urge to nurture, I didn't really see myself  becoming a mother. I love kids, babysat all the time, and always gravitated towards kids in a room. However, my life goals were all about having a career---children just didn't factor in. But in the fall of 2004, every trajectory of my life changed in an instant. At the urging of a friend, I went on a blind date with Josh. I had no idea that one simple decision would change my life so profoundly.



Josh is a good guy. He is kind, sweet, with tons of manners. He is the kind of guy that wants to take care of you, to treat you with respect, to let you be your own, independent self. While he isn't perfect, he is pretty amazing. From that very first meeting, I knew he was special. However, at 22, I was faced with a reality I wasn't sure I was interested in, regardless of Josh's endearing qualities. Josh was above everything else a Dad. Wow. I wasn't turned off by it but I wasn't sure how it fit into my goals---or how my parents would react. It was a lot to take in. But when every alarm should have been going off and leading me the other way, I didn't turn and run. That nurturing impulse kicked in.



Ian the 1st weekend I met him



After about 6 weeks of dinners and movies, Josh took me to meet Ian.  He had wispy blond hair. He seemed so fragile and he had the saddest blue eyes. When I walked in the room, he was crying. I sat on the floor and he immediately came and settled in my lap. To this day, I can still smell the baby--so innocent and sweet. I read him a story and rocked him to sleep--singing the same lullaby my Mom always sang to me. As I nuzzled my face into his sweet, chubby cheeks, there was a sharp explosion in my chest. At the time, I didn't know what it was but I knew it had just changed my life forever. It didn't matter that I was only 22 and clueless about the road ahead of me. It didn't matter that I wasn't even sure if I loved Josh yet. It didn't matter that all of my goals didn't include this path or these choices. The emotion I felt for this little boy that I barely knew was all that mattered and in my deepest heart, I knew that every path led me to that moment and to being his Mom.

This fall marks 7 years since that sharp explosion---I know now that the life altering ache in my heart was something only a mother can feel. It was an overwhelming feeling of love for my child---I felt it the first time I held Will and Maggie, too. In 7 years, that sad-eyed baby has grown into a smart, happy, and loving boy. He is a joy that fills my heart every single day. And even though we don't share the same biology, I hope he always knows that my love for him is just as pure and heart-stopping as it is for his brother and sister. I hope he knows that all of our "Broken Roads" led straight to the love we share today--that we were always meant to share this life together and that it was always God's plan for us to find our way to each other. I hope he knows that becoming his Mom meant following my heart and ignoring my head--something I always want him to do, too. I hope he knows the blessing he has always been to me and that I am so grateful that he sees me as the "best Mom (he) ever had!"

My favorite pic of me & Ian (age 3)

Tonight, he sat in my lap for a while with his long legs dangling out of the chair. I treasure these moments because they don't happen that often anymore. As I was enjoying my moment, I got a whiff of his hair and I felt that explosion in my chest all over again. I squeezed him tight and he looked over his shoulder and said, "Mom, I am glad God found a way for us to find each other. Even if it meant you having to put up with Daddy." Me too, Ian. Me too. Such a small price to pay!  

Candy Hater...

The Burgess Bunch got all sugared up, ran around April's neighborhood and collected enough candy to last until Easter. Yesterday was simply a sugar fest. From classroom parties with cupcakes to chocolate and candy pieces, I am pretty sure my children didn't ingest anything that was healthy at all. UGH....

Did I mention that I loathe candy? I am not much of a sweets person but I really can't stand candy. It is sticky, creates outbursts of uncontrollable glee in my children,  it causes cavities, and it is sticky. I don't do sticky. My kids know I don't like  it and only indulge them twice a year---Halloween and Easter. And for real, the candy that they got yesterday will last until Easter. I have already found a good hiding spot for their buckets and candy will only be doled out when they do something extraordinary, like clean the toilet.

I know my stance on candy makes me kind of a mean mom but I get it honest. My mom never let us have candy growing up, and I think that is why I don't care for it much now. Josh, on the other hand, is a candy fiend. He loves it more than the children. If the candy from yesterday really does make it to Easter, it will because my hiding spot is remarkable. And he gets his love for candy honest too. His Mom is the grandma that always has some sort of treat in her purse. It's her trademark.

Despite my contempt for Halloween in general and candy in particular, I did dress up. At least according to Will. Donning jeans, a black sweater and scarf, Will told me he loved my costume. "Did you dress up as a Mommy for Halloween?" Why yes I did. Ian, of course, couldn't leave it there. "Yeah, you are a Mom alright. At least you wore jeans instead of those black yoga pants you are so fond of." I am not sure what Ian has against my black yoga pants. According to him, wearing yoga pants more than 50% of the time is "letting yourself go."

The Ninja, Tiger, and Fairy enjoyed trick-or-treating with the young Harry Potter. The boys rode their scooters through the neighborhood (which really wasn't as great of an idea as it appeared). They aren't THAT good of riders and I was pretty sure we might end up in the ER with a broken limb before the night was over. Will carried a sword with his tiger costume, which left a lot of people stumped. He explained that he carried a sword because was a fighting tiger. Duh. Maggie could have cared less about the whole ordeal. She must take after me. She hated her costume, didn't want to wear it, and refused to get out of the stroller when we got to each house. So she rode in the stroller and ate M&M's while Will carried her bucket to each door with him to collect her candy. He did it willingly and I thought it was just because he was being nice. But about 6 houses in, I realized he was going through her bucket and taking out all of the good candy to put in his bucket, leaving her with the scraps. At least he was getting her something, right?

In the end, it was a good night. Even though I hate the candy, I love seeing them have so much fun. After all, that is what Halloween is really all about. And just know, if you come to my house and want some candy, you have to clean the toilet first!