Celebrating Aunt Gayle

From L to R: Grandma Ruby, Wanda & Aunt Gayle

Josh's Aunt Gayle was a special woman. Strong. Independent. Stubborn. Loyal. Loving. When she was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer, doctors didn't give her a lot of positive hope. But she dug in her heels and fought a long, courageous battle. She lived longer than most anticipated, leaving us to joke that Jesus had a few things to get in order in Heaven before he could deal with her! I was so blessed to know Gayle. From day one, she treated me a like a daughter. She and Ronnie made the long drive to Charlotte with us many times when we were seeking custody of Ian and rejoiced with a celebration when we finally got to bring him home. Every time Ian went down to her house to go fishing with Ronnie, she would buy all of his favorite treats. She put her own good name on the line to help Josh get the job at Blue Eagle when the company he was working for closed. She believed in him and every step he has taken in his career and the success he enjoys, he owes to her. She loved to hear stories about Will's antics--his adventurous spirit and his stubborn streak. She could appreciate his desire to be tough and strong because those were things she valued in herself. And when Mags was born, she was thrilled! Especially since her Maggie Kate got her middle name from Gayle's mother, Katie.  She really meant the world to us and life just won't be the same without her.

I was truly honored when Wanda asked me to give the family remarks at Gayle's funeral. And because several people have asked for me to post, I have included my remarks here:

Gayle will be missed by all of us—because she was simply an extraordinary woman who was an exceptional wife, mother, sister, aunt, colleague and friend.  I was fortunate enough to marry into Gayle’s family. My Mother in law was Gayle’s niece and it is through Wanda’s eyes that I tell you Gayle’s story. 

Gayle was born in Jonesville to Claude and Katie Petty. She was the baby in her family. In fact, because she was only 12 years older than Wanda, she was much more like a sister than an aunt. She always called Wanda the daughter she never had. From the time Wanda was born, Gayle was there, helping with her, and helping to keep her sister Ruby company while Truman worked nights. Ruby was afraid to be alone at night—but not Gayle.  She wasn’t afraid of anyone or anything, except maybe spiders. Gayle went along on family vacations and her constant presence made a formative impact on Wanda. She always admired Gayle’s beauty—her gorgeous red hair and perfectly done makeup. She often propped Wanda up on her vanity and did her face up with make-up—fake eyelashes and all—often to the dismay of her sister Ruby! Ruby would always tell Wanda that she was going to grow up to be just like Gayle and Wanda simply couldn’t imagine growing up to be any other way. And Why not? Who wouldn’t want to grow up to be a strong, vibrant and independent woman like Gayle?

Gayle was a professional woman, serving as a purchasing agent for Roebuck Builders for more than 25 years. She was beloved by everyone who worked with her because she prided herself in doing her job well and doing it right. She wasn’t afraid to speak her mind and everyone appreciated her honesty and her integrity. But where Gayle flourished most was in the home. From Gayle, Wanda learned about all about fine food and decorating. She could make a meal that was as down home as Paula Dean and as gourmet as Julia Child. None of us will ever forget the Christmas she had us all down to her house for dinner. She prepared the most gorgeous prime rib that we had ever seen. But as she was taking it from the oven, the meat promptly fell on the floor. Every single one of us devoured that prime rib like it was the last meal we were ever going to get---because her cooking was THAT good! 

The only skill that Wanda had that Gayle did not was a green thumb. And over the years, Wanda tried to teach her a few things about gardening. When Gayle got sick, her friend Margie gave her a beautiful orchid. Gayle gave the orchid love and attention and it thrived—or so she thought—everyone who came to visit would comment on how beautiful the orchid was and Gayle was so very proud that she had managed to help this beautiful flower grow. Weeks later, Margie came to visit Ronnie in the hospital and Gayle simply couldn’t wait to tell her the success story of the orchid—a vibrant beauty that adorned the window sill, soaking up the sun and love from Gayle. After going on and on, Margie got a twinkle in her eye and broke the news to Gayle that the orchid was fake! Gayle really got a good laugh from that, especially when she needed it most.

Gayle has many legacies. She means something special to each of us. But her greatest legacy is that as a devoted wife and mother.  Married to Ronnie for 51 years, he was truly the love of her life and she always prided herself in her ability to care for him. Her son Todd, already with her in Heaven, was her entire life, the very breath that she breathed. Because of the love given to Todd by Ronnie and Gayle, Todd lived a tremendously impactful life, devoting himself to work at the Deaf and Blind School and touching the lives of every single person that he met.  His life was a testament to the lives of his parents and while we find solace in knowing that they are reunited in Heaven, we know that we will miss them both so very much.

For Wanda, Ronnie and Gayle have always been such an integral part of who she is—from her wedding and marriage to Kevin, the births of Josh and Heather, each milestone they accomplished, their weddings,  and the births of their children. Gayle always said that Wanda’s children were her children and the grandchildren were her grandchildren. In fact, when Gayle was sick, she would ask Wanda to tell her all about the grandchildren—the funny things the Jackson boys were saying or have Wanda read the latest adventure from the Burgess Bunch. Their happiness brought her peace and comfort because she loved those babies so much and they truly loved her. She was such an important part of who we are as a family and the  void left by her absence can never be filled. 

And while we know Gayle would appreciate this outpouring of love for her life, she would want to thank the many people who cared for she and Ronnie while she was sick. Her best friend Billie, her cousins Ruth, Perry & Pat, her favorite nephew Danny, her friends Sandra, Mary Ruth, Mike, Hazel & Steve. Her devoted sister Ruby. The people of Hospice took such good care of her and we cannot thank them enough for the love they gave her in her final days. 

You know, for many, death feels like a very final stage. An ending. The final chapter in a book of life. But Gayle knew differently. She knew that when her journey on Earth was finished, it was really just a beginning--The time when she got to reunite with her parents, Todd, and her risen Savior, Jesus. 

The Bible tells us that to be absent in the body is to be present with the Lord. And while we are deeply saddened by her passing, we find comfort in the memories we hold dear and in knowing that Gayle is exactly where she wanted to be—in the arms of Jesus. Thank you to each of you for coming today and celebrating Gayle’s life with us.

In Awe...

Art by Will

Sometimes, I am just in awe of my children. Okay. I am always in awe of my children. But sometimes, they truly amaze me. Not the times when they throw a tantrum on the floor, or roll their eyes at me. Not the times when they huff and puff and slam their bedroom doors. Not in those times when they are screaming at one another, or pulling each others' hair, or when they land a punch on their sibling's arm. And unfortunately, we have a lot of times like that.

But often, they display an extraordinary kindness or reveal a new ability that I didn't know they had or they say the most profound thing and I am in awe.

This past  weekend, I was trying very hard to get things around the house organized. On Friday afternoon, I decided to cut the grass. Josh has been outsourcing this responsibility (that belongs to him) and honestly, the grass wasn't really growing enough to pay someone to do it, and I knew he wasn't going to volunteer to do it himself. We were outside enjoying the beautiful weather and Mags was a total whine box. I was tired of listening to her (a moment when I was not in awe of her at all) so I went and got the push mower and started to mow the yard. I was getting the yard cleaned up and in return, I didn't have to listen to her whine! That is the kind of multi-tasking that is good for you! I had been working for about 5 minutes when I look over to see Will way up ahead of me, picking up sticks and getting them out of the way of my mower. When that task was over, he pulled weeds from my flower beds, and helped me cut back a rose bush--and never once did I have to ask him. He just saw me working and stopped what he was doing to lend me a hand.

The next afternoon, I decided to tackle the outside building. It wasn't really something I planned but it is a complete disaster. So I backed one of Josh's many trucks up to the door and just started tossing. No more than 5 minutes in and here comes both boys helping me sort and pile. I was in charge of trash, they were in charge of the pile to Goodwill. All afternoon, they worked beside me without a single complaint and never once did I ask them to help. They just did it.

That evening when we finally came inside, I reached for my wallet and handed them each $5 for all the help they gave me. We don't give them allowance. As my Mom always told me, you sit down at the dinner table three times a day and sleep in a warm, clean bed at night. I am not paying them to do things that are expected--like cleaning  their room and picking up their toys. However, whenever they go above and beyond what is expected, I am happy to reward them for their hard work. In doing so, I hope they learn that you are rewarded for working hard, not for simply showing up.

Ian immediately put his money in his bank stash and asked me to deposit it in his savings account on Monday. The child has the first dollar he ever got. He is always OK with spending my money and never OK with spending his own. (He gets that from his Mom, Hana & Poppa! We save, save, save!)  Will put his money in his wallet and asked me to take him to the store the next day after church so that he could spend his money. (He gets that from his MeeMaw and his Aunt Munkey! Chrissy always says, "You never see a hearse pulling a U-Haul. You aren't gonna take it with you!"). The best part of them earning the money? Ian asking on the way home from church how much 10% of $5.00 was. Once we did the math together, they each took $.50 from their earnings and put it in our "Mission Bucket." All of our spare change goes in the mission bucket and each quarter, we empty the bucket and donate the money to our Church's fund that supports missions throughout the world. They tossed their money in the bucket without a reminder from us. Awe.

And the amazing thing is that they do things that leave me in awe every single day. Like Will telling Maggie that she was beautiful when she tried on her Bumble Bee Halloween costume or how my boys always hold the door open for me. I am so glad their Dad has taught them that. Or that Ian made all A's and 2 B's on his report card and when I hugged him, he smiled and said, "I work hard in school to make you proud!" Will made lunch for him and Mags today, without any help from me. And on Sunday afternoon, I had a migraine and Ian vacuumed my bedroom. He told me to go to the kitchen so the noise wouldn't bother me and when I got there, he had made me a peanut butter sandwich and poured me  glass of milk. When I went back to bed, Will was there waiting with some books so he could read me a bedtime story.

Every day in our family isn't perfect. Sometimes we are grumpy, sometimes we yell at each other. Sometimes, we just aren't at our very best. But many times, my children surprise me with their kindness to me and to others. They make me proud because they work hard, they use their manners, and they choose to do the right thing. Every day, I am in awe of them. For who they are as little people, and for the big people they are growing up to be.

Welcome Back to the Madness!

Welcome back to the blog! It's been a long absence. One that I didn't entirely plan--a story I will share with you one day :) And even though I haven't been writing at all, the kids haven't stopped creating incredible stories memories!

Where should I start? School is back in session. (Thank you Lord!). All three kids are in school at some point during the week. How am I? Well, I am exhausted. One thing that you fail to truly consider when you are planning to have a baby is that those babies grow up.  Do you ever really think of that part in a real, logic way? You think about all the awesome parts of them growing up. Not the real life, every day, elbow grease parts of their raising. Not. At. All.

For instance, you fail to consider the meaning of your children's friendships. Maybe you consider what it means for them...you know to be liked, loved, treasured, by other little people. You don't actually consider that one day, long before the teenage years, they will want their friends to hang out at your house. Or  that when one of your kids has a friend over, the other kids have to each have a friend over so that it will be "fair." So before you even realize it, your house is crawling with kids--in my case, crawling with about 6 kids--at all times. You fail to think of how you are going to need  a car big enough to haul all of these kids around. (Which is why I lost my dignity at 28 and bought a mini-van). And the groceries. Oh man, the groceries. I already have 2 boys and one very hearty eating little girl who eat non-stop all day. Add 2,3, or 4 more kids in the mix and you are practically feeding the Lakers starting 5 plus the back up bench warmers. What about the laundry? Pajamas, school clothes, play clothes, uniforms. And towels. More towels. A washing machine FULL of towels. Every. Single. Day. Three loads of laundry every day or I am under a pile higher than Everest. And it isn't just the laundry of the people who live in your house. Yep, those friends again. They leave their clothes at your house so you end up washing their clothes too.  And they make a mess. Pull out ALL of the toys. Legos ...the itty bitty tiny ones...they are in every corner of the house. Homework. The list just goes on and on.

Speaking of homework, 3rd grade has been a big transition for Ian (and me). I love the SC History part of 3rd grade...not cursive or multiplication. Ian is now reading ABOVE grade level for the first time ever and is discovering all sorts of chapter books. The kid is SO smart and he just makes every single day a joy....except when he got caught cheating on a test in class--TWICE! At first, I was like, "Not my Ian. He is the epitome of strong character and high moral conduct." So when Josh and I sat down to talk to him, my first instinct was to say, "Ian, honey, did you even realize that what you did was wrong?" His response slammed me to the ground. "Yes, Mom. I knew it was wrong. I just cared more about making a 100 than I did about doing wrong." WHAT? Since when did we care if you made a 100? I am a perfectionist but I will be damned if my kids are going to grow up to be that way.

His candor and his attitude totally floored me. He wanted to make a 100 on each assignment because he viewed that as the only acceptable score. We had a long talk about our desire for him to simply learn the material. I don't give a hill a beans about what you score in 3rd grade as long as you pass. We told him all about how cheating is wrong, that honesty is one of the most important virtues. He cried. He apologized. He seemed to really get it. All was well in the world and life was restored to normal....until the next Thursday during his spelling test. Ian apparently knew he missed one of his spelling words so he pulled out his worksheet to check to make sure he spelled the bonus word correctly. So that way, he would still make a 100. The teacher didn't catch him but another student told on him. When asked by the teacher, he admitted it. So this time, I pulled out the big guns. I made him talk to my Dad. Ian and Daddy are best friends and I knew if anyone could get through to him, it was him. Dad really went after it. He gave Ian the same speech he gave to us about lying. "If you will LIE, you will CHEAT, if cheat you will STEAL, if you steal, you will KILL somebody." Some words about being "very disappointed in him" and some genuine discussion about whether or not he deserved to go hunting because of his choices and the child was begging for forgiveness. For good measure, he had to write an apology letter to his teacher, he was on restriction from TV, Nintendo, & friends coming over for 2 weeks, AND he had to sit out of his 1st football game. Tough love but important.

The next Thursday, I was on pins & needles in the car line--so afraid that Ian's desire to get a 100 had overtaken his good sense and deafened his moral compass. But I was not to worry. He came to the car, grinning from ear to ear. I said, "Well?" He opened his folder and said, "I missed 5 words---fair and square!" ALRIGHT!

And I will be honest to say that although the cheating issue really did throw me for a loop, it wasn't as nearly as trying as dealing with Will. Lord bless him, but the child is so difficult. He is in 4K this year and as far as school goes, he is very smart. He can write his name---after all, according to him, it is "just a W and three sticks." At first, he was totally digging school. As always, he is Mr. Popularity with tons of friends. I signed him up for a gymnastics class at school once a week because I thought he would love it. At first, he did. But then Labor Day happened and it was all down hill from there. Every morning became a battle. He hated school. He hated the clothes I picked out. He hated gymnastics. He even hated me a few times. I practically had to drag him in to school and he would cry when I left. As if school fights weren't bad enough, he then began fighting me over church, Sunday school, football & gymnastics. EVERYTHING.

So after almost 2 weeks of non-stop back and forth, I finally had enough. When the fighting started, I sent him to his room and told him not to come out except to go to the bathroom. Will went marching off to his room. "FINE! I love my room. I hate school!" I think he thought he had somehow won. I served him breakfast in his room. After hour one, he popped out to potty. As soon as he was done, I sent him back. He said, "Can I take some toys to my room?" It was boring sitting in a room that has no other entertainment except two bookshelves of books. He sat on his bed for 3 hours, refusing to apologize. Eventually, he took a nap. Lunch came and while he ate, he tried to start conversation. I told him that until he apologized and agreed to go back to school without argument, he was going to sit in his room. Silence. At 2pm, he finally decided to apologize. Stubborn little buzzard he is! And it wasn't an overnight transformation. In fact, it wasn't until this very week that he began to go to school without protest. And I still don't have a clue why he suddenly didn't like it. Maybe it is middle child syndrome. Maybe he is too cool for school. Whatever the reason, I am glad this little phase has passed us by. At least for now---I have a strong suspicion that most of my life raising Will might be a constant push and pull, back and forth. Hooray! Not.

Mags. My sweet, loving, Miss Piggy. She is going to preschool 2 days a week. And she is so much like me. She loves books. She loves to color. She will sit for hours on end and entertain herself by reading to her dolls. She is smart too. But man does this gal LOVE to eat. She eats all day long. The Dr. was convinced that she eats because she is bored---particularly while her "boys" are at school. She suggested I offer her healthy options and because she wasn't really hungry, she wouldn't eat them. Yeah right. She eats grapes, yogurt, cheese, applesauce, goldfish, eggs, whatever you put in front of her, she will eat it. Non-stop. And while I am glad she eats healthy options, I am always terrified that she will be unhealthy. But instead of packing on the pounds, she is growing taller and leaner. Hopefully, she got that amazing Newton metabolism that totally skipped Chrissy and me.

Mags is totally blossoming in personality. She talks 90 miles a minute all day long. Also like her Mom. She loves her brothers, always referring to them as "my boys." She is super bossy, too. She will tell them what to do and insist that "Mommy said so." She varies between the extremes of a total priss-pot that adores anything that sparkles and a tomboy that will punch you in the face. She is mean to Will, constantly taking advantage of his total adoration of her. No matter how awful and mean she can be to him, he won't retaliate. It's the only time that I seem exercise extreme self-control. And it is fascinating.

Mags is our resident tattle-tale and for the safety of all of our well-beings, especially where Will is concerned, we never discourage her from ratting out her brothers. After all, one can never be too sure that Will isn't trying to launch himself off the roof or something equally as dangerous. She isn't doing anything extra-curricular at this point, but I imagine I will sign her up for dance soon. I just can't believe she is old enough to even participate in stuff like that. While I was busy driving kids around and managing the absolute madness of our schedules, she has just grown up. She isn't a baby any more.

That is it. My baby days are over. Both in the sense that I physically can't have any more kids thanks to a messed up reproductive system and to the reality of the lessons learned from raising these. Now that we have been raising kids for quite some time, we understand all of the things we never considered before we had them. And believe me, even though there is a pang of sadness that we won't get to snuggle any more tiny, wrinkly little babes, there is a HUGE relief to know that each stage that we now survive with Mags will be the last time we ever have to endure it. After all, having three kids means it is like we really have half a dozen. And that is plenty. A few weeks ago, Will asked, "What would happen if you had 5 babies in your tummy?"  I answered that I couldn't have any more babies. Ian said, "For real?" And I shook my head in confirmation and said, "That's it. No more." Ian laughed and said, "Thank God! We already practically live in a zoo. No need to add to the madness!"

When Life Hands You Lemons...

 Get Perspective. Life is often about your outlook and your attitude. For the most part, I am a realist and an optimist. I like to see the good in everyone. No matter how bad things get, I always try to remember that there is someone who has it far worse than I do. I always try to count my blessings. Life is going to give you lemons---make lemonade. Whatever cliche' works to brighten the mood--I am all for it. After all, life is too short to let it get you down.My Daddy always says that each day that you wake up on this side of the dirt is a good one--make it count. You can be here today and gone tomorrow. The very tragic events in Aurora, Colorado on Friday morning gives us some very real perspective on that.

Even in the moments when I am not feeling positive, I try very hard to keep it in perspective for my children. I want them to learn and understand that life isn't always rosy and sweet. Life is tough. You spend time in valleys far more than you do on top of the mountain. But I want them to know that how they react and how they look at the situation is half the battle.

On Friday, the kids and I went to Asheville to spend the day with my father in law. Now I must admit, I didn't want to go. I was tired. I woke up with a headache. I just didn't want to leave my house. But I knew the kids would want to go and have fun with Poppy so I put aside my own bad mood and decided to go.  And honestly, we had a great time. I always enjoy spending time with my father in law. We took the kids to the YMCA where my in laws are members---the kids swam, played ping pong, colored, played games etc. Fun was had by all...at least until we got to the parking lot to go home.

Someone busted the window in my car (in broad day light in a very busy parking lot), and took off with my red Nine West bag and the kids' iPad. Although my red bag was empty (and thankfully my wallet was inside with me), I had not done a good enough job concealing it in the car and I am certain that it is what lured them to break the window in the first place. The iPad was under the seat but they were lucky enough to find it.

The minute I saw my window broken, I felt the flush of anger hit my face but inside, I knew that my attitude and my reaction were going to be the things that my kids remembered about this event. And of course, I figured it would be a bit scary for them because they had never experienced being robbed. At first, I was thinking, they didn't get much because I knew I had my wallet and my car is full of nothing but goldfish crumbs and french fries. Ian was the one that quickly reminded me that the iPad had been under the seat (and that I was the one that had insisted we bring it along). When I checked to find it was gone, it broke my heart to see him crying. The iPad was their Christmas gift from my parents and it was something that we used all the time. But instead of sharing in his despair, I simply said, "Honey, I know you are upset and it is okay to be upset but remember that we are okay. None of us are hurt and everything that was taken from us was just stuff and it can be replaced." And Ian responded by saying, "But its not fair." And you know, it wasn't fair. But neither is life.

I sent the kids back inside with my Father in law while employees from the YMCA waited with me for the police to arrive. They were so gracious, allowing me to use their cell phones (mine was dying and the thief stole my charger), they helped me clean glass from the inside of the car, they offered kind words, and even walked the perimeter of the parking lot to search for items from my car that may have been disguarded nearby. The officer that arrived was helpful in his own way---and shared in my crappy afternoon--the water pump on his police cruiser busted while he was writing my report and his cruiser had to be towed. But even though his afternoon wasn't ideal, he and another officer went through every surrounding area looking for any of my stuff and he even called me the next morning to check on us and make sure we made it back to Spartanburg okay. My wonderful insurance agent, Tricia, took my call just minutes before she was walking out the door on a Friday afternoon and walked me through the process of what I needed to do. My mother in law drove to Asheville to be with us and my in laws treated the kids and me to supper before we headed home. None of that kindness and generosity was lost on me in that moment.

When we got in the car to leave, Will said, "You know, I wish we could punch that guy in the face for stealing our stuff." While I kind of felt the same way, I reminded Will that we don't return violence with violence. I told him that when people do bad things, those bad choices come back to them. Our job was to  find a way to forgive the person who stole our stuff. A hard lesson but an important one. As Ian was buckling his seat belt he said, "At least they didn't steal our Target coupons." I said, "I know, right? I would have been really angry had they stolen my coupons!" We all laughed and headed home. Perspective.

My car window is being repaired today. We will replace the iPad when we can afford to do so. Life will go back to normal and probably in a few short months, we will barely remember the experience of Friday afternoon. But I hope my kids always remember the lesson. Stuff can be replaced. Gratitude for our good fortune and blessings matter. Forgiveness is required, even when we don't feel like it. Laughter is essential to deal with any crisis. And perspective---our Friday misfortune was so small compared to the real tragedy that unfolded in Colorado. Life handed us lemons but you know, that is just life.

Busy Having Fun!

The Burgess Bunch has been having a great summer---they have gone through 15 cans of sunscreen, devoured at least $800 worth of groceries, swam for hours on end, and added almost 1,500 miles on my car. Phew....and I am tired! We have spent a lot of time in the lowcountry...fishing, swimming and going to the beach. Although I must say, I am not sure these kids are related to me because they don't like the beach that much. What? Ian says, "When you go to the beach you get sand in your britches and that isn't any fun at all!" Whatever. I would rather sit at the beach with a book & beverage than be at the pool any day. So, against their will, I forced them to go to the beach and get sand in their britches more than they thought was fun!

Ian  & Uncle Lee shooting a Roman candle

We had a fun 4th of July--celebrating with food and fireworks with the Newton clan. Most of my pyromaniac cousins were missing from the celebration this year--which did make it a little less exciting and lot less dangerous--but we had a wonderful time! They also spent a lot of time fishing at my grandparent's place. The boys like to get up early to fish while Maggie and I were smart and slept in! Like all good southern belles, she doesn't like to be "hawt" and sweat. Me either. So we let them fish and sweat and get stinky while we played with Aunt Munkey. A much better way to spend our time, I think

Because it would be too difficult to catch you up on all of the things we have been doing this summer (because my blogging has been totally negligent), here is a list of some funny stuff:

As I dressed for work, Ian: Wow, Mom! You look pretty. Are you going to work? Me: Yes. How did you know? Ian: Because you only get dressed up nice when you go to work. The rest of the time, you just wear those black yoga pants and a t-shirt. Me: Well Ian, I don't really see a point in getting dressed up to just stay around the house and clean up. Ian: I guess. It is just really sad that you are only 30 and you are just letting yourself go.

 And when Ian viewed my pictures from my trip to Kentucky for ZTA Convention: Wow, Mom, you look really pretty in these pictures. And you don't have those black yoga pants on the first time. I am real proud of you. (Thanks. I guess?)

On the way to Adventure camp, I am lecturing Ian about the need to drink plenty of water. "Okay Mom. I got it. Don't go all Romeo and Juliet on me!"


Maggie: Sometimes. Sometimes, I just. Sometimes I just got to pee.

Will: Why does this tea taste so bad? Me: Because it is unsweet tea. Will: Yuck! Why are you drinking that? We live in the South and we only drink sweet tea. Ian: That's right. Otherwise you are just a poser.

Will: Life is full of moments that just take your breath away. And there are other moments when you realize, your belly is just fat and ain't nothing gonna change that.   (What? Where does he come up with this stuff?)

Ian while shooting fireworks on the 4th of July: Fire in the hole. Fire in the Hole. Fire in the Hole. This is gonna make you happy, happy, happy. (Too much Duck Dynasty!)

Will: Wanna see me jump in the deep end without my swimmies on? Me: No I don't. Will promptly jumps into the deep end--minus his swimmies--and swims to the side of the pool. Me: Wow, Will that was great! Will: I know right? And I didn't even drown one time!

Will: Wanna see me act like a monkey? Me: You already look like a monkey... Will then jumps from the bar stool about 2.5 feet where he grabs onto the top of the refrigerator, hanging on for dear life. Me: William Truman Burgess! Have you lost your mind? Will: No but I have a feeling that I am in big trouble.

Maggie: Look at my piggies, Will! Don't they look pwetty? Will: Yep. From now on, instead of calling you Fat Belly, we'll just call you Ms. Piggy!

A Family is Built on Love

I have a wonderful family. Josh and I are blessed to have our grandparents, parents that have been married more than 35 years, beautiful sisters and brother-in-laws, nieces & nephews, and of course, we have our children. It is traditional family overload. However, there is a part of our family that is different--Ian's maternal birth family. In the 7 years since Ian's biological mother's death, we have had to navigate our way through a legal and emotional nightmare while balancing Ian's best interest and his need to know his family.

In all honesty, our relationship with Ian's family has been wracked with anger, hurt, grief, distrust, and all of the other emotions you feel when a situation isn't an ideal to either side. Despite that, from the first day, I have prayed for God to keep my heart open and for me to always seek Ian's best interest. And while there have been times when my patience and sanity have been pushed to the brink, I have never doubted that God was going to do amazing things with our journey.

From the beginning, I liked Ian's PawPaw Mike. He is Ian's mom's biological father (who is divorced from Ian's grandmother). Mike is kind and loving--he adores Ian from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. It was apparent to me that his love for Ian was genuine and he wanted Ian's best interest to be put above everything else. He supported Josh getting custody of Ian and for me to adopt him. All Mike wanted was to have a place in Ian's life. After Ian's Mom died, Ian was all he had left.

Over the last 7 years, Mike has become a part of our family. He visited with Ian regularly when he lived in NC, went out of his way to get to know Josh and I, and to extend his love and his heart to Will and Maggie. Two years ago, Mike rekindled a relationship with a high school sweetheart and moved to Oklahoma to be closer to her. While we were thrilled with him finding love, we were all devastated not to have him close by. Ian visited Oklahoma 2 summers ago when Mike first moved out there but until today, he hadn't seen his PawPaw other than via Skype.

Before bed on Friday, I overheard Ian explaining to Will that I was not Ian's real mom, that his real Mom was in heaven and that PawPaw was not Will's grandfather. Ian wasn't being mean about it. He was simply being factual. While we have always been honest with Ian about his history, it never occurred to me that Ian might tell Will his history when Will was just 4 with no real ability to understand what in the world Ian was talking about. I told Will that while God didn't put Ian in my tummy like he did he and Maggie, he wrote Ian's name on my heart the day that he was born and then sent me on a journey to find Ian and his Daddy so we could all be a family. I told Will that a family isn't made of the blood in your veins but out of the love that is in your heart. I told him because I loved Ian with all my heart, he was my family just like because he loved PawPaw Mike with all his heart, he was his family.Will smiled from ear to ear.

The kids have been anxiously marking down the days for over a month for the arrival of PawPaw Mike and Nana Kay. When his truck pulled in the driveway, the kids rushed him, overwhelming him with hugs and kisses. They soon did the same to Nana Kay. PawPaw and Nana spoiled the kids with a trip to the zoo, lunch, and bowling. While the kids played in the yard with Mike this afternoon, Kay made a point to tell me how grateful Mike was for the mother I was to Ian, for giving him the love that I did, and grateful that Josh and I had granted the two of them a place in our family. After watching PawPaw and Nana with my children today, I know that God had His hand in every part of this. While Mike can't have his daughter back, he did make a place in his heart for three grandchildren, and for Josh and me. Love created a family.

First Week Fun!

"Snapping" green beans!

This week has been a good first week of summer vacation. I had to put up the vegetables I brought back from the garden on Edisto. I had two bushels of green beans to snap and can---in the end, that equaled 32 quarts of beans. That is a lot of work.April came over and helped me for a couple of hours and her help was invaluable. The Burgess Bunch love to eat those green beans but they were pretty worthless when it came to putting them up! Ian and Will would wander in and out to help snap for a few minutes and then would disappear to other parts of the house for long stretches. Ian helped me for a whole 20 minutes at one point and I was excited that he was going to stick around and help me knock out the snapping. Boy was I mistaken. He left for the bathroom and never came back. And hour later, he came back thru the kitchen on his way to the playroom. I said, "What happened to you helping me snap the beans?" With a straight face, he responded, "I'm on a break." For an hour? Boy do I wish I lived in his universe!

The train at the Spartanburg Library

I took the kids to the library on Thursday. It is probably my favorite place to visit in Spartanburg--or any town for that matter. My parents instilled in me a great love for reading and I very much want my children to share that love of books. So far, I have been fairly successful. Will seems to be the only one that isn't crazy about reading--imagine that. He likes to read as long as it is about motorcycles or snakes or flame-throwing. My very own Evel Knievel in the making. The kids were excited about visiting but I quickly realized that taking all three of them at once was an error in judgement. All three read on different levels and all three of those sections are in different locations of the basement level. When all three started to head to their locations, I felt like I needed to have some sort of magic to multiply myself. So I decided to help Will and Maggie pick out their books first and then park them at a table next to Ian's section so I could help him. It was a great theory.

And yes, she is naked under that towel!

Maggie wanted to pull every book off the shelf or run down the aisle. She was in total show-off mode and while she wanted to collect books, she wanted to collect 30 of them at once, instead of the 3 at a time rate that I prefer. While I was helping Will select some books, I made the error of not keeping my eye on Maggie the entire time. I glance up to find her attempting a strip tease--her shirt was off and she was headed for her skirt. Whispering loudly, "Stop Maggie!" enticed her not to actually stop vacating her clothes but rather to take off running. I have gotten good at anticipating her moves on the run so I caught her before any real damage was done but it was awkward having to quietly YELL at her that the library was not a condoned location for naked time. I seriously hope this stage of disrobing ends soon.

Mixing up zucchini bread

Friday we had play dates with two different friends--I left my house at 9am and returned at 9:30pm. The kids came in and wanted to watch a movie--I wanted to watch the back of my eyelids. They played in water most of the day and for whatever reason, they weren't drop dead tired. Saturday I enjoyed some Mommy time. I had a pedicure and spent most of the afternoon reading Pat Conroy's South of Broad. It was a great read if you like Conroy or Charleston or both. Sunday, we enjoyed a visit with MeeMaw & Poppi and the Jackson cousins. Will caught at least 15 granddaddy long leg spiders and a lizard. He is fascinated with critters! Sunday evening, Will helped me make a couple of loaves of Zucchini bread. The child might not be crazy about reading but he has a real passion for cooking. I plan to make it my personal mission to teach him to cook well. It will help make him a real catch some day---even if he races motorcycles and collects lizards for fun!