Streaker

There are a lot of places I don't like to take my kids. That list includes pretty much any place one would go. Grocery store, Wal-Mart or Target, the DMV, eating establishments, the doctor, etc. etc. The more children in my possession, the less likely I am to leave the confines of my house. It it just too much effort and the reality is that they make any simple errand or task take twice as long, I lose my mind and forget half of what I went for, and 7 out of 10 trips, someone melts down, there is a fight or they embarrass me in some way. Just. Not. Worth. It.

However, if I never left the house, I would A. Be a weird Hermit and B. We would starve and stink. Thursday morning is the only day I have where I am child-less. But I can't get everything done in 3 hours. So this morning, Will BEGGED me to go buy him new crocs. Being the awesome Mom that I am, I decided I would make the 15 mile journey to Gaffney where there is a Crocs outlet. But it is Monday, not Thursday and that meant that Maggie had to come with. Now, some days, Maggie is a good shopper. She likes Sam's (because they serve food) and she does OK for short run-in-to-pick-stuff-up trips. However, she is about to turn two next week and her temperament is as predictable as a woman going through menopause. She is one tantrum laced, meltdown city just waiting to explode.

But off we went and to my surprise she was being very good. She got a little ancy at the Crocs store when I was taking too long to make a selection but for the most part, she was happy and excited to shop. So when we finished there, we ventured over to The Children's place, Carter's, Oshkosh...no meltdowns. I was feeling really good and started to feel confident that this was going to be a really productive trip to the outlets. As I passed Ann Taylor, I decided to go check out a cute turquoise dress that I thought would be great for ZTA Convention this summer. Dress was awesome but it was $109.00 and well, I am too cheap to pay that price for one dress. Maggie seemed a little miffed about our stop in AnnTaylor but she was still OK. So I went into a store because I wanted to buy a new bra. In we went, and of course, they didn't have my size of the particular one I wanted so I asked the lady to check in the back. As I was waiting for her, I had my back to Maggie. BIG mistake. In just a minute, she had wiggled herself out of the stroller and grabbed a package of little girl panties from the wall. Hearing the sound of ripping, I turned around to find Maggie buck naked. She was going to try on these cute little panties but when she saw me turn around, she knew she was in trouble....and she takes off running....through the store....as naked as she came into this world. And lately, let Mommy chase me around naked is her newest and most favorite game. She is squealing with delight at the top of her lungs, running around the store with me in hot pursuit behind her. She would run around the racks and just as soon as I would lunge to grab her, she would dart under the rack and out the other side. Everyone in the store was watching me chase her. Some I am sure thought it was cute. The sales ladies didn't find it amusing at all.

I eventually was able to corner her after she took a wrong turn and hit a dead end. When I finally got my hands on her, she squealed with delight and laughed so hard that she proceeded to pee all over me. She laughed harder. Fabulous. I quickly dressed her and walked out, forgetting completely that I wanted to purchase a bra. It was the least of my wardrobe requirements at the moment. And after that little taste of freedom, she refused to get back in the stroller and the meltdown came, fast and furious. So over my shoulder she went as I dragged the 2 kid stroller behind me all the way out to the car. Embarrassed, pee soaked and exhausted, I made the 15 mile journey back to Spartanburg, pondering the thought that becoming a hermit may not be such a bad option after all.