Are They Really Listening?

My greatest wish as a mother, beyond my kids being extremely educated, financially stable (and not living with me when their 30), happy and healthy, is that they grow up to be good people. I want them to be compassionate and kind, I want them to be the kind of person that volunteers their time and energy to good causes, I want them to grow up to love every person they meet, to be free of bias and full of tolerance. Of course, hoping they grow up that way isn't enough. (Sometimes I wish it were!)

I try really hard to teach them important values. Not just in conversation but by example. However, most of the time, I feel like it all just goes in one ear and out the other. I mean, no matter how much I try to teach Will to be nice, most of the time he isn't. At least not to me. Yesterday,  he said, "Mom, you are a fatty." A little shocked, I said, "Who taught you that?" He said, "I am not telling." So I responded, "Will that isn't nice to say to people. It could hurt their feelings." He responded, "Well Mom. I am just being honest." "Well yes, Will, you are but sometimes, it's best to just say nothing because you don't want to hurt people's feelings." (He needs to watch Bambi) Not skipping a beat he said, "Maggie is a fatty too. Look at her belly." (Long sigh from me). At least he got the honesty lesson, right?

I get discouraged but I keep teaching them in hopes that they get it. And sometimes, they surprise me.

As we were driving home from school day before yesterday, we were nearly hit head-on by a drunk driver. We were all a little shaken afterward. As we are pulling in the driveway, Ian says, "Mom I am glad that we didn't get killed." I responded, "Me too, honey. We are lucky that we have some guardian angels." He said, "Yes we do. And I am glad because I have so much I want to do with my life. I want to start company that gives toys to kids that don't have any money to buy their own." My heart swelled with pride. I told him he could start that project right away by going through some of his own toys he didn't play with anymore and take them to the Children's Shelter. He thought it was a marvelous idea!

And then to my ultimate shock, a nice moment from William this morning. Ian asked me if he could have a dollar to take to school to buy ice cream. I told him I would look in the car but I was pretty sure I didn't have a dollar. I suggested that if I couldn't find one, he could take one from his piggy bank and I would pay him back this afternoon. "I am not taking money from my bank." "OK, go without ice cream." While this is taking place, Will doesn't say a word but gets up from his breakfast and disappears into the play room. When he comes back, he is holding his wallet and hands Ian the only dollar bill he had in it. "Will this be enough money, Ian?" I felt tears sting my eyes. Not just because Will was being so uncharacteristically nice, but because he was being so giving without an expectation for anything in return.

 I am glad that at least some of the time, they really are listening.