For those of you who were hanging on the edge of your facebook feeds for another blog post to appear (Just kidding!), I am sorry that I have been slow on the blogging this week. We were at my parents' house and the kids think going there is like being on vacation. They had me roasting in the sun all day at the pool, feeding them copious amounts of junk food, and playing baseball with them for hours in the back yard. Once they finally went to sleep (bedtimes are irrelevant at Hana and Poppa's house), I had to get work done into the wee hours of the night. Needless to say, I am exhausted!
So today, we made the journey back to Spartanburg. I was already tired before the journey started. Will practically slept on top of me all night. I went to the farm this morning, and then loaded some 400 pounds of tomatoes and other veggies into my car before we left. And of course, we had to make "just one more" trip to the pool before we could actually start the drive home. At 2 oclock, we finally hit the road.
Have you ever been on a road trip with three children by yourself? If you ever decide to do this, you are probably better off driving to the nearest mental hospital and checking yourself in for a few days. I always advise against it, even though I do it on a regular basis. (I have accepted the fact that I have already lost my mind--I doubt mental health professionals could help me recover it). Ian wants to watch the DVD player while Will wants me to turn up the "Whitening McQueen song" (Life is a Highway) really loud and roll the windows down (in the minivan like we are cruising Palm Beach). Maggie is singing her own song at the top of her lungs out of sync with the one on the DVD player and the radio. 15 minutes into the trip, Will decides he wants to watch the DVD afterall but doesn't like his view. I have to pull over to rearrange everyone's seating arrangements and the DVD player. Maggie is still singing at the top of her lungs. Ian complains that when I hit a bump (because I completely control the road conditions in SC) the DVD skips and he has to start it over. I look back to check on Will (because he is super quiet) and he is guzzling orange soda while eating boiled peanuts. Boiled peanut shells litter the floor of the car. I now am driving a mini-bar. Just add some sawdust and the image will be complete.
Despite my deep prayers that Maggie will fall asleep, she keeps up her singing act. I reach my right arm to the back seat to rub her feet in hopes she might fall asleep. She instead thinks this is hilarious and sings louder. Will is over the DVD and decides he is playing air guitar to the radio while I play the drums on the steering wheel. Ian ignores us and watches the DVD, carefully reaching up to hold the DVD player each time I approach a bridge or bump on the highway.
After guzzling so much soda, Will discovers that he needs a potty break at the moment I pass an exit ramp. The next one is 7 miles away. So I ponder my options. I know he won't make it to the next exit. (In case you didn't know, 3 year olds tell you they have to go potty the instant that the potty break is an emergency and there is no time to spare). I nearly tell him to do his business in his discarded orange soda bottle that created the emergency, but I decide that will probably get messy, especially with the poor road conditions. Ahead, I notice an abandoned weight station. The road isn't blocked to prevent me from getting on and off the interstate and it beats having to chance getting to an exit and then having to unload all the kids for an emergency bathroom break. I pull off at the weight station and hurry around to let Will out to potty. Just as he pulls his "stuff" out to do his business, I see blue lights out of the corner of my eye. Are you kidding me? I haven't seen a police car my entire 2 hour journey and suddenly one appears from nowhere when I am parked in an area I am certain is deemed illegal. "Ma'm, is everything alright? You aren't allowed to be parked here." I do my best to be polite (afterall, he is just doing his job) "Yes sir. Everything is fine. We are just making an emergency potty break for my little one." "Okay Ma'm but you really should do that at a rest area or proper exit." He must have missed the part where I said it was an emergency. I mean, he can see my little blonde cherub peeing. I am not dealing drugs. We aren't having a picnic. "Yes sir. Believe me, if I could have made it to a more proper location, I would have done so. But you know, sometimes, things don't work out like that with a preschooler." "Okay Ma'm. Just be sure that you plan better next time." Obviously, this man does not have children. I did plan. I asked Will at every exit for 25 miles before we got to that exit whether he needed to potty. Each time, he said no. Hence the emergency. Maybe I need a mental health day afterall.
Once we got back on the road, all three kids fell asleep and stayed that way for the remainder of the 40 minutes home. I couldn't help but think that despite all of the planning I do, nothing ever goes according to plan. I will, however, heed the officer's advice and plan better next time. My plan: NEVER TRAVEL ALONE WITH THREE KIDS. Ha! Not likely.
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