Dr. Dobson assures me that Will was born this way---a beautiful blessing of strong will from God. This I know to be true. On the day he was born, weighing nearly 9 pounds, Will was holding his head up and standing on his legs. He rolled over at 5 weeks, crawled at 5 months and was cruising at 6 and a half months. He was born ready to roll and hasn't slowed down at all! Obviously, his zeal for living is fun to watch but it is exhausting to live. My house shows the wear and tear of his enthusiasm: a couch covered in sharpie art and spotted by the Clorox cleanup, cabinets and walls with his "the world is my canvas" attitude, sidewalk chalk on the deck...I can go on and on. But it isn't just the constant cleaning that wears me out; it's the constant battle.
Will wants to fight with me about everything. If I say the sky is blue, to him it's green. If I want him to wear tennis shoes, he wants to wear rain boots. If I need him to sit still and be quiet, he is loud and obnoxious. And that doesn't mean he can't be a well mannered, loving child. In fact, he can be extremely sweet and loving---when it fits his mood, his need, and his desire to get his way. He is a fantastic manipulator. Dr. Dobson explains to me in the book that for Will, this is all a game and he is doing his best to beat me and be the winner. And believe me, there are a lot of days when I want to throw my hands up and tell him I forfeit. Seriously. There are days when he wears his bright orange rain boots or has on pajamas when he shouldn't because I don't feel like battling with him. I admit that it is much easier to just let him have his way. I feel rotten about that and realize I totally don't have control but I reason with myself that letting him wear orange rain boots, sweat pants, and a wife-beater to Target is not going to be the end of the world. And it isn't.
However, Dr. Dobson tells me that letting Will have his way isn't always detrimental in the moment but in the long term, I am just setting myself up for more battles and that come adolescence, I am going to regret giving in. He predicts that if I "spare the rod and spoil the child," I am allowing Will to believe he is in control and that he gets to choose his own path. I know that to be true as well. So what is my conflict? Even though I know that his strong-will is exhausting for me now, I also know God made him this way. He did. And no matter how tired he makes me, I don't want to break his spirit. Dr. Dobson also addresses this in the book, suggesting I let Will know that I am in charge but providing him with choices that suit me but allow him to feel like he has some control over his own life. Sounds fair to me. He also says that sometimes, just a good old-fashioned spanking will do the trick.
I enjoyed Dr. Dobson's book. I didn't agree with every morsel, but I did find it very helpful. His biggest insight for me: Teach Will to use his strong-will for good. To push on when the odds are against him, to believe in himself and to believe in others. To use his strong-will to help others, to grow in his faith, to serve God with the same absolution that he has about everything else. As a parent, I should use his strong-will as the gift that it is and not as a burden. I tell my friends and family to pray for me all the time in order to successfully raise Will. I truly mean that. But now, I want them to pray that I can teach him to use his strong-will for all of these wonderful things, not just sharpie art. Will's favorite prayer (which he prays for everything) is "God made me." As he said that tonight during prayer time, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am glad God made Will exactly like he is. I am also glad that He understood that this strong-will needed to be packaged in just one of my children and not all three.
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