Friday, July 8, 2011

Booty licking and other funnies...

I haven't had a Friday night alone in a long time. I enjoyed a pedicure and a little shopping while Josh took the kids to his parents for a visit. Once I got home and the house was empty, I really didn't like being alone anymore. Those little people who never give me a minute's privacy, provide my life with a whole lot of excitement--so much so that when they aren't around, an empty house seems boring. Here are some funny and embarrassing stories from the week:

Will: I want to drive a motorcycle. Me: No way. They are too dangerous. Will: I know. That's what makes them awesome!

Will thinks he is Howie Mandel. He watches him on America's Got Talent and has started to mimic his fist bumps and the way he votes on the show. Every time I ask him a question he will respond with, "I think I'll say yes." Or "It's a Yes for me." Or "I'm gonna say No." Just what I need around here, a germaphobic comedian..

Will: Mom, I want some Cheetos. Me: Ask Daddy. I am grading papers. Will: Daddy said "no." That's why you have to change the answer to "yes."

Our neighbor Russ is poking fun at Ian while he rides his scooter. Ian: You are really starting to piss me off. Me: WHAT did you say? Ian: The "P" word. Me: Why did you say that? Ian: Mom, it's just an expression. Me: I am aware that it is an expression but you know better. Why did you say it? Ian: Because I couldn't think of a better word to use.

I always want my kids to be compassionate and empathetic towards others. Even though we talk a lot about it, sometimes, it takes an actual moment to better teach a lesson. Usually, those teaching moments are very embarrassing for me. Like when Ian was 5 and we were in Target. He saw a little person and asked them if he was like the Oompa Loompas from the Chocolate Factory. My face was more red than the shade they use at Target. Anyway, this week, I took Will to Kohl's. When we went to check out, we saw a woman with down syndrome. As the great niece and cousin of two wonderful men with down syndrome, I try to emphasize their similarities to us rather than their differences. Will, of course, was more interested in the latter. He said while pointing, "Mom, why does that lady look like that." I get right on his level and say, "Will, Honey, she has down syndrome. God made her that way. Even though she looks different, she is a special person just like me and you. Please don't point at people. We treat every one the way that we want to be treated, even if they look different than us." He thinks about that for a few seconds and says, "Why does she have a fat booty?" I could feel the color hit my face. "Will, that is just part of the way that God made her." He thinks a little more, "I get that she has syndrome but why did God make her with a fat booty?" God bless her, she turned around and said, "I wonder that all the time myself!"

Will put himself in Time Out after he accidentally knocked Maggie over. He was upset that he might have hurt her. For all of his deviousness, he loves his Princess. When I went to let him know she was OK, he said, "Why do you always gotta be bothering me? I am in my quiet spot." Maybe I should keep him there all day.

Maggie is in the early stages of potty training. She has pretty much stopped wearing diapers around the house and opts for training panties. She is also very interested in running from you as soon as you take her clothes off and instead likes to streak through the house naked, laughing at the top of her lungs. If you chase behind her, the game is even more fantastic. So this morning, she is streaking through the house and I hear Ian yell, "Ewwww, Will. Don't lick Maggie on the butt cheek." Will, who is laughing so hard he can barely breathe, says, "I thought about biting her but licking her was waaaaay more funny." Poor Mags.

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