Brush yo teef...

Have you ever been to the dentist as a patient with kids in tow? If you haven't, you should not start now. I put it in the same category as taking a road trip by yourself (Life is a Highway...)

Today, the boys and I had appointments for the dentist. Overall, we got good reports. No cavities! 29 years and counting for me! Ian has been referred to an orthodontist. We knew that was coming. His bottom teeth resemble those of a shark with multiple rows of permanent and baby teeth. I was referred to an oral surgeon for issues with my jaw (Josh says it's because I talk too much. Probably). That however, is not the story. It was the experience while at the dentist that warrants a story.

Luckily, I was able to leave Maggie at my neighbor's house for my appointment. On the way, I picked up Cole. I really didn't think taking all three boys with me was a big deal because usually when we go, they work on us at the same time so that we can all be finished together. That was not the case today. They didn't start my appointment until both boys were finished. Guess what that meant? I had all three boys in the room with me while Hillary was trying to clean my teeth. Joy.

I prefaced the moment with each of them before I even sat in the chair. No horsing around. There are thousands of dollars worth of equipment in there that could break. No touching me or trying to sit in my lap while I am in the chair. No talking loud. No fighting. No moving from their spot. Not even for the bathroom. Hillary turned on Phineas and Ferb. She gave them crayons and paper. We tried to be prepared. Basically, I expected them to sit like veggies until she was done with my teeth. Wishful thinking.

While I have always had super healthy teeth I don't really care to go the dentist. I haven't had any major dental work other than wisdom teeth extraction. No crowns. No root canals. Not even a filling. But I dread going. It is hard to sit there and have a "Conversation" with her while I can't actually do more than shake my head yes or no. I can't stand the way the gloves smell like raw venison. The tools look weird. And honestly, I think just the idea of people messing in my mouth grosses me out. But usually I am in and out. No biggie. Not today.

My gums have been giving me trouble ever since I was pregnant with Maggie. Apparently, she screwed up my hormones and as a result, I got eczema and weird gums. Awesome. So, the gums were going to get a little extra love today. Hillary takes out what seemed like a Drimmel tool (used to remove grout from tile) and went to work on my gums. My mouth is full of tools and water. I can't talk. I can't yell. I can't even really do anything but wince in pain. Will keeps coming over and looking in my mouth. He inspects Hillary's work and asks her a ton of questions. Maybe he wants to be a dentist when he grows up. He was THAT interested. A couple of times, he came up and shook my arm or belly when she had the shepard's hook in my mouth. I was certain that she was going to hook me in the mouth like a fish. My mouth was full of equipment and I can't say anything. So what do I do? I resort to snapping my fingers. Yep. Snapping them down. Real scary.

After the Drimmel was finally over and she finally felt compelled to put down the hook, she started pressure washing my teeth. Seriously that is what it feels like. She hands me safety glasses (Will got some too since he was all up in my mouth business) and she starts to polish my teeth with what felt like 80,000 PSI's of baking soda and water. Added bonus? My face gets all wet and the specks of baking soda are like an exfoliating facial. Complete with a handi-wipe.While all of this is going on, Ian and Cole are throwing a paper airplane around the room. Seriously. I start to snap. Maybe they can't hear me over the noise of the pressure washer so I start to kick my foot at them. Nothing. Hillary doesn't feel the need to draw their attention to me. I feel certain I will be writing a check for at least a computer when we leave. Fortunately, Cole needs a bathroom break from airplane tossing. Who cares if I told him not to go in the beginning. It stopped the air show.

Finally, she does my xrays so that we can see what the deal is with my jaw. The boys have to leave the room so they aren't showered with radiation. Will wandered into another patient's room and helped the Dr. inspect his teeth. They come in together to check out my xrays and examine my teeth. Will gets to put on gloves and count my teeth for me. He gives me an A-OK checkup and reminds me to "brush yo' teef." My dentist concurred....except for my jaw, of course. Will helped Hillary paint on the fluoride treatment for my teeth. He loved it! The kids got their little goody bags of treats and stickers. We made an appointment with the orthodontist for next week and managed to leave the building without breaking anything. And honestly, it didn't turn out all that bad. But, I promise, in 6 months, we won't be sharing appointments at the dentist. Not ever again.